im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize