Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
