Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
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We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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