Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
