You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
