i just wanna soil my oats bro
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
