do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
