you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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