Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
