The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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