Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Randomize
