Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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