I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
