Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Thank you for not boning my boss.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
