2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
