Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
