Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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