And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
