Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
