There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
