my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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