He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
