She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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