I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
