I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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