Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
