Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
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He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
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Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Dicks are not precious.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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