Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
