kristin has been a bad kristin
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
