i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
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