can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
