Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
