so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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