HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
last night I used snow as a chaser
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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