The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
