My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
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