atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
