Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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