I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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