All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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