I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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