woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
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