True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
