So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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