I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
