Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Randomize
