You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
