Old men and throwing up are my life now.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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