I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i think i have two assholes
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
whose ass print is on the piano?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
