went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
