so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
