I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
