i'm signing you up for texting rehab
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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