my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
