Sponge bath it is.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
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