I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
