There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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