I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
