Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
