im gay
i know
yea but for you.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
