Grow some girl-balls and come out already
it was like his penis was on wheels.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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