i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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